Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
