you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
