Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
