We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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