Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
