I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
