my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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