Just cropdusted the office
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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