i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
