dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
