i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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