is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
