I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
