I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am one with the molecules
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
