He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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