what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
