dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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