***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
