I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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