i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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