Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
