she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
