I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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