3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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