Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
