It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
