we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
no, he came in my armpit
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
