Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
