Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
