Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's official drugs can't kill me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
