he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
