You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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