The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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