You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
