she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
