the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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