im drinking this country out of the recession.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize