I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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