whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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