That's intense
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
