do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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