in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
