he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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