Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
