Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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