forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
