Dual....:-)
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
