idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
