We're facebook friends in real life
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
