I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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