Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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