I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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