how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
