wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can text with my tongue
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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