Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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