my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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