dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
