you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
