HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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