called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
