just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
