you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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