No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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