I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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