JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
