Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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