When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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