dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
