a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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