i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
