This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
