Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
