After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
