She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
