Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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