T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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