No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
